The Joy of Achievement

Etienne on his was to fight crime on his "Bat"cycle

As many of you probably remember, back in October we had the misfortune to find our beloved family bike trailer had been stolen from outside my son's daycare. While it was a sad and frustrating moment, it was quickly dismissed by our son deciding he was ready to ride a bike on his own, and so started a brand new chapter for the Velo Family. Since then, our son has become a superstar, insisting on riding to school nearly every day. He's come a long way from the boy that was terrified to try just last summer.

In watching him master his skills at riding, I've been reminded how amazing it must be to a child to start achieving new milestones in life. I can still remember the looks on my children's faces when they started walking. You could tell by their smile and wide eyes that they knew what they were doing was a huge step, pardon the pun, and were also reflecting the pride in the faces of my husband and I. I see that same look every time our son, Etienne, does something on his bike he's never done before, and I can't help but feel like such a proud Mommy.

It really was no surprise that the bundle of non-stop energy that is our son would have the stamina for long distances. He now easily travels upwards of 20 kms along the seawall if we ask him to, and very rarely complains of being tired. As with anyone learning to ride a bike in a hilly city like Vancouver, it is always the inclines that we are acutely aware will be tough for him. We learned which routes to avoid when our daughter was still getting her riding legs, and try to take things as easy as possible for both of them, and us, if we can. 

Sometimes it's unavoidable though, like the alleyway the children and I ride up to get to their dance class every Tuesday. Each week, Etienne has managed to get a bit further, with a little encouragement from his sister and I. We've even taken to singing a little song modified from Finding Nemo - "Just keep pedalling, just keep pedalling...". I think they mostly like when I start singing it funny just like Dory. At any rate, it clearly worked because this week, he made it all the way to the top without stopping, and the first thing he said was, "I'm going to tell Daddy when I get home!" The excitement and joy on his face was intoxicating, and all three of us were beaming.

Riding a bike is definitely a skill that allows children to start to feel that independence they see in their parents and other adults. They know that this is just the beginning of years of being in control of how they get from one place to the next. For our children, this is no exception, but I can't help feel there is one skill they've both been most excited to master. Since getting out city bikes, the kids have watched my husband and I learn and master the graceful Dutch dismount. It was then no surprise when our daughter, Coralie, did all she could to learn to dismount that way on her own Dutch city bike. We were, however, completely surprised to find that Etienne had been mustering the courage to join his family, even on his little BMX. Just a few weeks ago, when coming home with the two kids, I turned around to watch him ever so casually toss his leg over his top bar and step off his bike. Coralie and I were amazed! Apparently he'd been watching and practising without us even knowing, and was now just like the rest of his family. 

There are times now when I take my kids abilities on a bike for granted. Of course they know how to ride, that's what kids do. But when we have these small milestones, it's a reminder of how far they've come since sitting comfortably behind Mommy and Daddy in the trailer or on the trail-a-bike. I couldn't be prouder to see the joy on their faces, or the excitement they feel about riding. I'm also very happy that through all the frustration, loss of patience and anxiety, my husband and I have been able to pass on yet another important life skill to our kids. Now, if only I could get them to clean bathrooms as well as they ride bikes, and I would be one happy Mommy!

Staying Sane Amongst the Insanity

Seven years ago when my husband and I welcomed our first beautiful child into the world, life was instantly changed. We were faced immediately with all new challenges, strained and exhausted, and struggling to maintain composure as we stumbled through the first few days, weeks and months of parenting. When we decided to have children, we knew things would be different and we would have to change our lifestyle a bit. We did, however, make some important promises to ourselves in order to maintain some sanity while our lives as we knew them turned upside down. 

Lately I have been reminded over and over about one of those important promises. Our children are precious, and it is our job to protect them. In order to keep them safe, we took a page from our parents' book. We teach them to avoid dangerous situations, chastise them when they're being deliberately unsafe, and give them the knowledge they need to travel throughout their young lives relatively unharmed. What's crucial in not losing our minds with the stress of maintaining their safety is that once they've heard all of our lessons, we let them go, free to explore, to make mistakes, and to live up to the responsibilities we've allowed them.

A comment on my last post made aware of a story by Parachute Canada suggesting that children under the age of ten should not ride on the road because they don't have the mental awareness and capacity to ride amongst cars. As you are likely well aware, we ride on the road with our children all the time. We are acutely aware of dangers when riding on the road, which is why we stick to quieter streets and dedicated cycle tracks. That being said, how on earth will our children ever learn to look after themselves when they enter their independent teen years if we don't provide them with the skills they need while they are still young and willing to learn from their parents? Each trip we take with our children, whether riding bikes, walking or taking transit is an opportunity for us to make our children mindful of the obstacles they'll face when we are no longer at their side.

Photo courtesy of Mike Hollingshead

Just this past week was an example of how if I just let go and give a bit of freedom and trust, my children will be fine. Our daughter, for the second year, took part in her school's Cross Country team. Her participation meant two meets at John Hendry Park, and a race route that took her around the full length of Trout Lake and out of my sight. Instead of being worried about what may happen as some parents around me were, I knew my daughter was running with countless other children, with one focus, get to the finish line. She would not be stopping to talk to strangers along the way, and with the park being well populated with other people in the neighbourhood. I knew if she hurt herself, there would be plenty of kind people willing to lend a hand and that she would be ok. As I expected, she arrived red faced and beaming after both races, and knew to look for me as soon as she received her ribbon.

Whether being a spectator at my daughter's race, or travelling with my children throughout the city, I could expend so much mental energy worrying and stressing about their well being. With everything children get up to, I would genuinely go insane if I spent all my time thinking about the possible outcomes. Instead, I find it much healthier to accept that since July 2006, my husband and I have made it a point to teach our kids to be responsible. As a result, we trust them to make decisions that aren't going to put them in harm's way. It is inevitable that they will still make mistakes, but by focusing on the positives instead of the "what ifs", we get to enjoy every moment just a bit more. I will freely admit you need to be slightly unhinged to give up your own freedom to have children, willingly exposing yourself to sleepless nights, fighting siblings, and strained pocketbooks. So I will remain happily armed with the confidence that my kids have enough common sense to be smart and safe. Outside of that, there's always a nice glass of red wine to calm the nerves and keep me sane enough to deal with what lies ahead. After all, we're just six short years away from... the teen years!

Every cloud....

Quite saddened to know these days are over

About a week and a half ago the dynamic of the Velo Family was severely disrupted. Upon picking up our youngest from daycare, I discovered that, for the second time, a stranger had stolen our bike trailer. Multiple thoughts went through my head, some less PG than others, but aside from the frustration and anger came a sadness. For many cycling families, this would be a blow. For us, it meant that we had lost our ability to bike commute as a family, to do our large grocery shopping by bike, and to enjoy long rides along the Seawall, something we had apparently taken for granted and missed almost immediately. 

The most immediate impact was felt by husband and son, who had come to rely on our trailer for their morning routine. Without the trailer, Chris would be forced to walk with Etienne to his daycare about a kilometre away, before riding off to work, adding at least thirty minutes to his commute. It's pretty astounding how something as simple as a theft can completely change your lives when you rely on two wheels to get you around. However, what started out as astounding in a negative way turned into something pretty spectacular.

As you may have read previously, we have been attempting to get our son to ride on his own for over a year to no avail. My husband and I knew all along that one day, a switch would flip, and he would just get it, but it seemed to be taking forever and we were beyond frustrated. So when the trailer was stolen, and we suggested to our little man that he try riding so he can bike to school with daddy, we didn't expect much. Especially when he repeatedly said that he couldn't do it yet. But we had to try; we had no choice!

So we set up on the sidewalk, camera in hand, ready and waiting for that magic moment. After several passes, things were appearing to be as hopeless as before. You see, my husband and I knew he capable of riding on his own. In fact, he was! But for some reason, in his head, he was still too young, and would panic after just a few revolutions without daddy or mommy near by. We decided we would give it one more go, cheering him on with compliments, encouragement and praise. And then it happened! After over twelve months of trying, failing and trying again, our four and a half year old son was finally riding on two wheels all by himself! He beamed with joy and pride, and was so excited he decided the very next day he would ride to school. True to his word, he did just that. The following morning, while I sat at home nervous for my little guy, I received a text from my husband saying simply this, "'I DID IT!'"

One very happy little boy

Here we are now, just eleven days later, and the Velo Family has just returned from our first bike ride as a family all riding solo. We travelled along the 10th Avenue bikeway three kilometres from our home on Commercial Drive to enjoy some breakfast on Main Street. It's a route we all know well, but the first time Etienne would ride that distance, including some steeper inclines on the way. I'm very happy to report he made it safely there and back without any tumbles, and only had to dismount a couple of times and get a hand from daddy to make it up the hill. So, what started out as a disheartening blow to our daily routines turned out to be a blessing in disguise. As they say, every cloud has a silver lining...or in our case, a little blue bike and a brave little boy!

The set is now complete!

Girls, Bikes, Fear and How We Need to Change

We're alike in so many ways, I just hope I pass on my
passion for riding to her in the years to come

We all love our daughters. We want them to grow up to be strong, independent women, capable of meeting every challenge head on. Not to be scared, not to doubt themselves and never to think there's something they just can't do. Mother's are particularly aware of this, knowing first hand what challenges await their girls as they go from being adorable little princesses and rough and tumble tomboys to awkward teenagers, to young women trying to figure out what it is they want from their lives, and possibly even becoming mothers themselves. So why is it, when we want all these positive things for our girls, that we keep going on about all the things they need to be afraid of?

There are certainly veritable dangers out there that all kids need to be mindful of, like talking to strangers, walking through dark alleys and so on. But as I watch my daughter and her friends grow, I have become aware that there is a lot of other so-called dangers that perhaps we need to take a step back from and realize that if we give them credit, our girls will prove that they are capable of taking responsibility for their own safety.

Let's take cycling for example, just because that's what my family is, a bicycle family. My daughter has now been riding solo for almost two years, and doing so on the road for well over a year. Each time we ride, I take the opportunity to teach her how to ride defensively, to be aware of the cars and pedestrians around her, and to always follow the rules of the road. While I have had my moments of panic, I have tried my hardest to not make riding a bike a terrifying experience for her. Because it isn't. Yes, cars are dangerous two-tonne weapons, but if I tell her that every time she sees a car it could mean she's going to get hit, she would never get on a bike. I want her to enjoy riding, not be afraid that every time she gets on her bike there is a high probability of injury or death.

Just last weekend, while out for a ride, my husband and I passed a family that was so stressed about their kids being on the road that they kept manically telling their kids to stay to the side, watch what they doing, keep control, hurry up to get through an intersection when they had plenty of time and so on. Don't get me wrong, these are all valid concerns when you're riding with children, especially young ones still finding their legs. However, if, as an adult, you had someone constantly spouting dangers at you while you tried to do something confidently, would you not be prone to think, "Why the heck and I attempting to do something so dangerous?! Clearly, I should stop trying."

Let's face facts. It has been discussed time and again that women are generally more averse to taking risks. As a result, the ridership numbers for women are drastically lower than men. I also recently read a report from bikeportland.org discussing how by the age of thirteen to fourteen, many young girls are likely to stop riding their bikes. One of the reasons they stop is because they are afraid of getting hurt while doing something physical. The thing they seem to forget is that riding a bike is so easy, and the chances that you will get hurt just riding to and from school or to meet a friend are very slim. But then, maybe they've spent their childhood being told it is dangerous, and when you're a thirteen year old girl, the most important things to you are that you fit it, you feel good about your body, and that nothing will stop you from getting together with your friends. Thinking that sitting down on a bike may result in a broken limb or worse, making it harder to achieve this, gives them all the reason in the world not to ride.

It's about time we start talking less about the dangers of riding a bike with our girls, and more about how great it is! Learning to ride a bike is the first step to gaining independence, and the act of riding a bike is the ultimate in freedom, creating so much joy for nearly every rider I know, young and old alike. For a child, they no longer have to hold their parent's hand while they're riding a bike, and only they can steer, slow down or stop their bike. If you think about it, that is a huge sense of responsibility for a child, and I'm sure it makes them feel so proud that they are able to accomplish all this on their own. 

Not from yesterday, but my daughter having
FUN on her bike

In fact, I know it does. Just yesterday, I let go and gave my daughter one of the ultimate milestones in independence for a child. I let her bike home from school...on her own. I know, GASP! After having to run an emergency errand by car right after school, we had to figure out how to get her bike home that she had ridden that morning. Being that I also had my son with me, and dinner to make, going home, dropping off the Zipcar, getting my bike and trailer and going back to the school seemed so time consuming and unnecessary. So, after speaking to her about being responsible, walking across our dreaded crosswalk, and obeying all the rules of the road we had talked about before, I dropped her off at her school and watched as she got on her bike and headed home...solo. When I saw her again, safe and sound at home, the grin on her face after succeeding to take such a big step into independence made me so happy for her. She felt STRONG, INDEPENDENT and most of all, NOT AFRAID to do it again.

Ladies out there, we all know we're strong enough to do just about anything. It's about time we start passing on that confidence to our little girls. We need to stop teaching our girls that danger is waiting for them around every corner. All we're doing is raising our daughters to doubt themselves and their abilities. We need to teach them to be safe, but in a way that is preparing them to be independent. For those with daughter's that ride, we need to maintain that joy they feel as children all through their growing up, so that when they reach their teens, they keep riding because they know it's no more dangerous than walking to meet their friends, and in fact, a lot quicker and good for their health. The best way to start fostering that, keep riding with them, give them moments of independence, and share your joy on two wheels with them every chance you get!

A little video of my daughter mastering yet another bike related skill...the graceful Dutch dismount. (Video c/o @cbruntlett)

They grow up so fast

Life has been pretty crazy the past four weeks for the Velo Family. Travel to Saskatoon and Edmonton for work left me longing to return home to my city, my routine and my wonderful family who managed to cope without me quite well. Returning home I was launched into even more work in Vancouver, but thankfully I was able to hop back on my bike as the wet Winter weather started to give way to sunnier Spring days. As you have likely noticed, between work and trying to spend time with my family, my writing for this blog has suffered. So now that I have a moment to sit down and put some thoughts on paper, so to speak, I am inspired to talk about my kids and how they keep changing every day, growing more and more aware and responsible, something that I've become increasingly aware of after being away and working. 

Before leaving for Edmonton a couple weeks back, I had a pretty epic weekend with my family (see It doesn't get much better). In all the excitement of the weekend, I didn't get to talk about a pretty big milestone that just kind of happened on the way to meeting up with my husband on the Sunday. On the way, I realized my daughter was attempting to lead us, so I decided to let her, just to see how well she really does know her way. I was amazed with what I experienced!

My little girl just absorbing on the bus
to swimming lessons

As we left our street, I told her where we were going. As children have no concept of street names, save their own, I explained we were going to the store on the bike route that has the candy pop. To us adults, that translates to Cream Soda at Union Market in Strathcona. Once we crossed Commercial Drive on 10th Avenue, I let her get in front of me and take the lead. And lead she did. She knew exactly where and when to turn, and even practiced her hand signals 99% of the time. She slowed to check for oncoming cars and bikes at traffic circles, kept three feet from the parked cars, and only asked me for help once. I was incredibly proud to know that she had been paying attention this whole time, and really is starting to get a real grasp of her surroundings and getting from point A to point B.

Our munchkins walking confidently
in their "hood"

While I was away travelling, my in-laws came for a visit, helping out with the kids while my husband worked during the day. Each day they walked my daughter to school, and then spent the day entertaining my son until pick up. What they found out was that even he, at only four years old, knows his neighbourhood pretty darn well. He took them to Trout Lake, showing them around our nearest park and playground. They walked up Commercial Drive, with Etienne taking them to all his favourite places, including Grandview Park, Fratelli's Bakery, and, of course, a visit to First Ravioli Store to visit with "Auntie Tina", the wonderful Italian lady that works there and is infamous with my children for offering them free cookies. Once again, I am astounded at how much my children truly have been absorbing their surroundings with all the time they spend on foot or on bike travelling throughout the various neighbourhoods of Vancouver.








I think it's so important that children learn how to get around in their neighbourhood by modes other than a private vehicle. Not only do they more readily recognize the way home in case they're lost, but it prepares them for the eventual independence of travelling on their own when they get older. It is no secret that most children in today's society are transported mainly by private automobiles. Whether to school, to their extra curricular activities or to do the weekly shop, these trips all have one thing in common - a child sitting in the back seat of a car with no real perception of where it is they are going. By walking, biking or taking public transit, children are exposed to more of their natural surroundings, and get a truer sense of the distances travelled, the best and/or safest routes, and most importantly, they gain the confidence to travel independently. 

They're a couple of confident little rascals!

In the next year or two, I plan on starting to let my daughter walk to school on her own. Eventually, that will also mean walking with her younger brother. What I have learned with these recent revelations regarding my children's navigational skills is that when the time comes, they will be ready. They are already developing the confidence to walk and bike in our neighbourhood, and those that we frequent regularly. It really does put my mind at ease, because, after all, there will come a time when my kids will want to go out with their friends to the mall or to hang out, and won't want us to walk them there. On that day, I will be reassured that we have been doing the very best to prepare them for this moment. And for the time being, maybe it's time I start letting them lead the way for all our escapades... so long as it isn't always to the nearest playground!

Learning to Let Go

Today brought with it another challenge of being a parent. The lesson to be learnt: "Let Go". That may seem like a lesson better suited to a Mom whose children are in their teens, getting ready graduate and become adults, but believe me, it was a valuable lesson for me today, and one that will continue to challenge me.

What brought about this notion of letting go? This weekend we started teaching Etienne how to ride a bike. Not a run bike, or one with training wheels, but just a regular old bike. For over a year now, Etienne has been riding confidently on the Trail-a-Bike, and scooting along on his run bike. Then, earlier this week, he borrowed a bike from a friend after dropping their sisters off at school, and with my help, managed to get two full revolutions on his own with no help from me. I was convinced, "This is it! Etienne is ready to ride on his own!" I was so excited, revelling in the possibility that soon all the members of the Velo Family would experience the freedom of solo riding.

So this morning we took the kids to the grounds of a nearby school to get Etienne on his bike and riding. He was excited, too, or so it seemed. After two goes around the track, he gave up. He refused to focus, preferring to continually get off and play in the playground. I was left feeling so deflated. My elation for my youngest to finally be able to ride on his own had turned to frustration. I felt like I had failed somehow.

Helping Etienne keep his balance while he pedals

After the playground, we went for a ride, and I had some time to reflect. Truly, while it would be fantastic if Etienne had started solo riding today, just because it didn't happen today, doesn't mean it won't. Etienne will turn four in January, and his sister didn't start riding on her own until she was five. Every child figures it out at a different pace, and eventually my son will be riding next to me on our bike rides around the city. Until then, I need to "Let Go", understanding that in time, Etienne will get it, and the learning process will just be another memory in our little adventure as a family.

A sleepy reminder that someone still
has some growing to do

Summer Withdrawal: Back to School Blues

If you would have asked me this weekend if I was excited and ready for the start of school and my daughter's return to routine and not being at home anymore, my immediate answer would have been a resounding, Heck Ya! But it seems now that we're back into our usual ways, that I miss the summer and having the kids to do stuff with every day. Believe it or not, your day tends to fly by when you're out and about with a preschooler and a school aged child, riding all over the city to this beach or that park. As much as I was out of energy by then end of August, it was fun, and I will cherish all the memories we made.

That's not to say I won't still be running all over the place. September doesn't just bring the start of school, but also the start of all the extracurricular activities. In just a couple weeks we'll be riding to and from school, to ballet, tap, soccer, swimming and whatever other lessons will fill my kids' days. Being so busy does make me wonder how working parents do it, and makes me very thankful that I am afforded the opportunity to be home for my kids.

But for today, I will take Coralie to school for her first full day of Grade 1. Today, she meets her new teacher; she says she hopes for a specific teacher because she has a good name. She will also and find out which of her friends from Kindergarten will stay with her as she heads to her new class, and which will be those she sees on the playground in between class. I look at her now and see how much she has changed in 12 months, from a nervous little Kindergartner to a confident Grade 1, and I'm a little bit emotional. Once again, she is off learning and growing without me. Add to that the fact that I'm about to head out of town on business for 4.5 days, missing many of the new school year challenges that may come up, and I get a little teary. I guess we're both on a bit of a journey this week, and all I hope for her is that her journey leads her to much success in the future. For now, I just wish her a happy first full day!

Coralie on the first day of Kindergarten

One year later and she's grown so much!